I haven’t been writing or blogging a lot lately.  Been thinking a lot.  Been pondering and praying a lot.  Just haven’t been recording it for all to see. Sometimes I just don’t feel like I have a lot to say.  For the longest time it seems that Jesus has been turning so much of my thinking inside out and upside down.  Really, I think He is actually trying to turn it right side up, but it doesn’t always feel that way!

Seems He has been doing that in a lot of us these days.  I know so many who have been questioning their assumptions.  So many who’ve been provoked to actually think and examine long-held beliefs and doctrine.  Many whose eyes have been opened to recognize how much is still done out of religious dogma and habit rather than out of genuine, living, breathing relationship.

Honestly, I’ve never been fond of the whole “religion” thing and have genuinely loved Jesus in a deep and real way for a long time, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t bought into an assortment of religious lies and habits along the way.  I honestly don’t know anyone even remotely affiliated with “the church” who hasn’t.  It’s sobering to be faced with that reality, but I guess we’re just prone that way.  But the good news is that He is awakening us and–I think–bringing us into a greater revelation of who He truly is and of who we are in Him.  The not quite so good news is that actually getting there is a kind of  free-fall.  If you want to fly you have to jump off the cliff.

So while I’m learning to fly, I’ve been pondering these things in my heart.  Don’t feel like I’ve got a lot of it figured out.  And a lot of what I thought I knew, I’m not so sure of any more.  I’ve never wanted to write just to put words on a piece of paper simply because I can–I want to have something to say.  Yet, as I’ve been pondering, I’ve also realized that if I wait until my ideas are all sorted out and I’ve got just the right words to express just the right sentiments of my heart, I may wait a very long time. Since we’re all in process, I guess sharing the process with others can be a good thing. 

This is my tentative step out of the silent ponderings of the last several weeks and back onto paper.  Not so profound. Definitely not poetic.  And most certainly not perfected.  Simple words from a simple person who wants to learn to express my love for Him as authentically as He has, and does, express His for me.

I’m still not sure I have much to say, but this is what’s on my heart.

Walking and waiting. I love that.  So often when people think of waiting on the Lord they think of waiting passively or even helplessly, but I don’t think that is ever what the Lord has in mind.  While we wait, we keep doing what we know to be doing. While we wait, we keep moving forward.  While we wait, we walk in the truth we have.  While we wait…we just keep walking.

I read somewhere recently that one of the Hebrew words that is often translated as “rest” can also be translated as “taking a leisurely walk.”  Isn’t that interesting?  Adam walked with the Lord in the cool of the day.  Enoch walked with God.  Many through the ages have walked with God.  And as we wait for Him – we can walk with Him too.  

I love that simple picture.  Leisurely strolling with Him.  Being with Him.  Moving on with Him.  Hmm … makes waiting seem almost pleasant.  Perhaps that is the idea? 

Lord, Thank You for the truth You’ve revealed to my heart and for the partnership You’ve called me into. Jesus, as I wait, I want to keep walking with You – I want to keep moving in Your ways.  Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your laws, I wait for you!

I have often remarked that my faith is very simple.  I used to think that wasn’t such a positive thing, but if “simplicity” is to be understood the way the NIV translates 2 Corinthians 11:3 – “sincere and pure devotion” – then I guess  simple isn’t such a bad thing after all.

I am not a theologian and I will never be a theologian–a fact, I’m sure, that is obvious by many of the things I say and write!  While I certainly do want to approach the Bible with honesty and integrity, my primary desire has always been to hear God’s heart through His Word rather than to dot all my doctrinal ‘i’s and cross all my theological ‘t’s.  There is much to stimulate the intellect contained in the pages of Scripture, but I’m far more interested in exploring the depths of His heart than I am in engaging in a rousing theological debate.

I’ve come to see that simple faith isn’t faith without depth–it is faith without a lot of intellectual complication and convolution.  Doctrine and theology most certainly do have their place, but if we allow them to corrupt our minds from a pure and simple devotion to Jesus – they’ve gone well beyond their proper place.  Without sincere and pure devotion, religious dogma begins to take the place of intimacy. It’s no coincidence that when we lose the simplicity of our devotion to Jesus, we begin to see and preach a “different” Jesus than the one Paul knew.

I don’t know about you, but I want the real Jesus.  And if it’s simple faith that will keep me connected to His heart–then that’s the kind of faith I want!

Lord–please–guard our minds and keep our hearts in a place of pure and simple devotion to You

Honestly, I’m surprised how much her death has impacted me.  I didn’t know her well.  But I realized this morning that her death has impacted me – because she impacted me.  I first met Jill about 13-14 years ago through a friend who had been part of a “kinship” group with her several years earlier. I don’t think I’ve had more than a handful of brief face to face conversations with her in my life.  I haven’t even been to that many public gatherings where she was ministering over the years, but a couple of those that I did attend were strategic and became turning points in my life. 

Jill opened my eyes and heart to realms of God I never knew existed. When I listened to her talk about Jesus and saw the way she moved in the Spirit, something was stirred in me that hasn’t been quenched to this day.  When I was first filled with the Spirit I had experiences with God that most of those around me couldn’t seem to relate to and I needed to know I wasn’t “losing it.”  When I met Jill, I realized that she had encounters with Jesus that were way beyond what I had experienced. As a result, she made me hungry. She made me realize that not only was I not “losing it” but that there was always “more”  and that we should go after it.  She gave me a paradigm for  prophetic ministry functioning in the church TODAY.  She even gave me the first public “word” I’ve ever received.  Really, she opened a key door in my life by showing me a living breathing example of a woman in ministry fulfilling her destiny with an “out of the box” call– despite the many limitations the mainstream church tried to place on her.  She was a true forerunner and we owe her a great debt for breaking so many things open in the heavenlies and making the way easier for others to follow.

Like all of us, she wasn’t perfect.  Over the years she had all kinds of unkind things said about her and many who questioned the “legitimacy” of her ministry.  Honestly, there were times I didn’t track with her myself  but  that doesn’t take away from the impact of what God did through her ministry. If only the body of Christ could truly get a hold of that concept.  We’d be so much richer–and so much wiser. There is SO much we can and should be learning from one another. The fact that Jill’s life and ministry were imperfect make her impact all the greater because my life and ministry are imperfect, too.  And if her life had this great an impact on me, well, maybe–just maybe–my imperfect life can make an impact too.

One thing I do know is that Jill loved Jesus and now the encounter will never end.  Jill, you may have taken your last breath on this side, but you left me with one more living breathing example…the impact of one life.

Thank you–I’m still hungry for more.  And because of a life well lived in abandon to Jesus, I know many others are too.

Recently I asked the Lord what would bring joy to His heart and His answer was very similar to the verse above–“I have no greater joy than watching my children walk in the truth.”

Jesus is the Truth.  Truth exposes lies that kill, steal and destroy and replaces them with the reality of God’s heart and purposes for us.  Truth renews our minds and reveals our destiny.  Truth sets us free.  The more we walk in the truth, the more we can lay hold of all He paid so much to purchase for us.  And the more we walk in truth–the greater His joy!

Lord, May I give you great joy by walking in an ever-increasing revelation of truth!

To us a child is born – to us a Son is given.  God gave us His very best.  “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all-how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?”(Rom.8:32).  God graciously gives us all good things.  Every good and perfect gift is from above.

God sent His Son into a dark and hopeless world. And because He did–we never have to live without hope.  He kept His promises then, and He is still keeping His promises today.

Jesus is the Light of the world.  He is the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and the Prince of Peace.   If God didn’t withhold His very best then–we can rest secure in His ongoing goodness and grace throughout our lives and into eternity.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

 “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure” (Heb.6:19).  If that’s not worth celebrating, I don’t know what is!

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!  Amen!!

Shabbat Shalom 

I’ve been back from my most recent trip to Israel for nearly six weeks.  Since returning my life has shifted into overdrive and it feels like the trip took place a lifetime ago.  A lot has changed in a very short time.  Yet despite how much has changed, I am more aware than ever of the things that cannot change.  Now more than ever I am living in the tension between the uncertainty and urgency of the moment, and the certainty and timelessness of eternity.

That’s where Israel lives, too.  This reality was more apparent to me on this past trip than ever before.  It was a time of contrasts.  I was aware of those contrasts on both a personal level and a national level.  On a personal level, I relayed to someone that the primary reason I come to Israel is simply because I love to be there with Jesus and I know it gives Him great pleasure to have me there with Him.  I don’t have an agenda and I don’t need one.  Simply being there with Him is enough for me.   That was, and is, absolutely true.  Then, just a day or two later, I heard myself saying that my heart was so torn in two that I told the Lord I just couldn’t bear to come again for such a short time without a clear purpose.  My heart and destiny are so deeply intertwined with His heart for that nation that it rips my heart apart to merely stay a couple of weeks, pray a bit here and there, and then get on a plane and leave again.  If I’m going to go again, I need to be able to plant my heart for the long run and play a specific role in His plan and purposes  for Israel.  That too was, and is, absolutely true.

How can both be true?  I don’t know—how can the sovereignty of God and the freewill of man both be true? There are mysteries in this life that can’t resolved with mere human reasoning.  I don’t know how both are true, I just know they are–and I live in the tension. 

On a national level, during this trip I saw many prayers from years past answered before my eyes – the church in Israel is being strengthened and more Jews are coming to know Yeshua as their Messiah than at any time since the first century – but I also saw the depth of need with greater clarity and realized there are many, many prayers yet to be prayed and yet to be answered.  The sense of hopelessness, anger and apathy throughout the nation was palpable, yet there is also great hope and expectation rising in the church – especially amongst messianic believers.   I was encouraged and excited – and I was sobered and saddened.  All real.  All true. 

We are living in the tension of what is and what is yet to be.  While there is no denying what currently is, our hope is in the certainty of what is yet to be.  The Lord drove this home to my heart one Friday afternoon as I was standing on a terrace overlooking the Old City of Jerusalem.  Since Shabbat begins on Friday evening, Friday afternoon is typified by “the rush before the rest.”   Rarely is the city as frantic as it is on Friday afternoon.  The city basically shuts down from Friday evening to Saturday evening, so everyone rushes around to accomplish necessary chores and get their shopping done before the beginning of the Sabbath. As I watched the city rushing about, there was a profound and tangible stillness in my spirit.  Despite the frenzy of her inhabitants, despite the ongoing clash in the second heaven, I knew there was stillness and peace in Jerusalem.  As I watched and listened, I realized it was heaven’s stillness.  It was heaven’s rest and peace for Jerusalem.  From heaven’s perspective the destiny of that city is already accomplished.  When Jesus watches Jerusalem, He is at perfect peace.  Yes, He still longs for the day He can “gather her as a hen gathers her chicks.”   And yes, His heart is often broken as He waits.  But while He waits, He is still.  He is at peace.  He sees the end from the beginning.  And His shalom is available in that city even now.

We live in a time of clashing “realities.”   Yes, there are many difficulties and trying circumstances in daily life.  Yes, there is an ongoing battle in the second heaven. Yes, there are many mysteries and seeming contradictions that are impossible to reconcile with human understanding.  Yes, we face many challenges to believe despite the colliding realities of what is and what is yet to be.    But heaven is at rest.   Heaven is at peace.  And there is a Sabbath rest available–even now–to those who will be diligent to enter into it. 

In a very real way, Jerusalem has entered into her rest.  So can we.

Shabbat Shalom sweet city of God.  Your destiny is secure.

Jesus taught us that when you ask God for bread that is what you will get–bread.  God is good and He is the giver of every good and perfect gift.  He can’t do evil and He doesn’t need evil to accomplish His purposes.  When He says He will give good gifts to His children who ask, He means He will give good gifts to His children who ask.

So what happens if you’ve asked for bread and you’re holding a stone?  Simply this–it is not yet God’s good gift.  Yes, if you are willing, that stone can become an opportunity to trust Jesus.  Yes, God can take what the enemy meant for evil and use that stone for good.  Yes, stones can be used to refine our character and to conform us to the image of Christ.  But if God has promised bread and what you are holding looks like a stone, then that’s what it is–a stone and not bread!

We are under no obligation to take the “stones” in our life and pretend they are what we really wanted after all. Nor should we assume they are what God “chose” for us and therefore, they must be good.  He gives good gifts and if you’ve asked God for bread – hold out for bread! When God gives bread it looks like bread, it smells like bread, and it tastes like bread. And when you see it – you’ll know it.

Think of it–which of you would give your son a stone if he asks for bread?  And if you, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him?

Lord,  Please reveal the goodness of Your heart and give us faith that will endure until we see the fullness of what You have promised!

What are you doing here?  I’ve read those words many times and when I have, I always assumed the Lord’s tone was sort of sad.  You know, like “Aw shucks, how did you end up here, Elijah?”  And who knows, maybe it was like that … but I’m not convinced.

I’m not convinced because recently I found myself in a situation where the Lord asked me that very same question.  When He did, His tone was quite different from what I had always assumed it was with Elijah.  Like Elijah, I was discouraged and confused.  But when the Lord said “What are you doing here?” there wasn’t the slightest trace of rebuke or sadness in His voice.  Instead it was more like a gentle reminder – a necessary nudge to help me remember why I was in the situation I was in.

Elijah was where he was basically because he had been zealous for God and zealous for Israel.  I was where I was for the exact same reason and I got the distinct impression that in God’s eyes that was not exactly a bad thing.  God’s word to Elijah was “Go back the way you came.”  And that was basically His word to me, too… “Go back and keep doing what you’re doing, because you’re not finished yet.” 

 Elijah had been faithful to God under some pretty extreme circumstances.  Yet despite Elijah’s faithfulness, people and circumstances hadn’t lined up the way Elijah expected them to and it threw him off for a moment.  That happens a lot in life – to all of us.  But when it happened to Elijah, God brought him into His presence and then built him back up and sent him back out to do the next thing.  I think that’s what He’s doing for me too.

I have been very zealous for the Lord my God.  That’s what I’m doing here.  And that’s also why I’ll go back the way I came and do the next thing … until I know I’ve finished all the work He’s given me to do.

So … what are you doing here?

Been learning lots about the “ways” God makes.  Sometimes He supernaturally opens doors and ushers you in on a red carpet, but other times it is more like you have to breakthrough on a bulldozer.   And the funny thing is, it’s not like one way is more “God” than another.  We tend to view the times the Lord supernaturally lines stuff up for us as evidence of His favor.  And sometimes it is.  We’ve all heard the nifty little platitude “where God guides, He provides”  and at times that is true.  I’m convinced He actually subjects Himself to playing  by those rules in certain situations simply to engage us!  But if we really want to go deeper with Him and eventually end up in partnership with Him, sooner or later the platitudes will end up out the window.   

God will engage us at the level we are willing to engage Him.  It takes a lot more faith to put your trust in a living breathing relationship than in a set of rules that God is supposed to play by.  There are times when circumstances do not play out in a way that fits neatly into any of our theological boxes, but that does NOT mean the absence of His favor, nor does it  provide “evidence” that we are “out of His will.”  It takes a deeper level of faith to keep believing when things don’t make sense and a greater level of trust to keep moving forward even when the ducks don’t line up.  It is far more important to me to be able to look up and see His smile than it is to look out and see the circumstances that the church has traditionally looked for as evidence of His favor. 

So, needless to say, getting to this trip has been more like being on the bulldozer than walking the red carpet. But that’s okay-I did get here.  And I am absolutely convinced that it WAS and IS God’s desire that I do so.  

There will undoubtedly be more hard ground to “bulldoze” when I return, but for now I’m simply grateful for this…tomorrow I am getting on that plane.  And I’m very glad.  I know Jesus is too.